Have you ever heard the phrase – “new year, new me” ? I think we all have, and to be completely honest – I don’t really like it. I mean, yah sure, I understand the concept of the new year resolutions and looking to better ourselves with the new year beginning, however, as I’ve been reflecting on the past year – I realized finally… I don’t want a new me. I want acceptance of the me that has always been. I want acceptance of me from myself but also from those around me.
Growing up, I remember being constantly worried about what other’s thought about me. Even in college when you are supposed to conquering the world and defining your own identity, I felt confident in who I was but was terrified of other’s acceptance. And you know what that leaves you with? Loneliness and the general perception from others that you are “stuck up” or “anti social” or any other words like that. But the truth? The truth was that I knew who I was and where I was going. I knew it so hard that I was afraid to let others know about it in the event they didn’t understand it or said something hurtful that it would derail me from that path.
In the end, I still got hurt from time to time and I also lived each day building up a defense system around me to keep trying to block others out. I wish, oh I WISH I could have told myself then that the ONLY person you can control is YOU! It doesn’t matter how high you build your walls, someone will find the need one day to try to tear you down. But you know what? If you stay true to YOU , nothing they say can tear you down! YOU have to whole heartedly know YOUR own heart so well and so deeply that when someone else tries to derail you – you don’t even budge. You just smile and thank them for their concern and then go on your own merry way. But friend? I’m here to tell you… don’t build up walls so high that you spend years of your life later working to flatten them and start over. No one can hold you back and no one can change who you really are but YOU. No one has permission to derail you unless YOU give it to them.
Of course, as with all things, easier said than done right? Well… sort of. You see, it depends on where you are at in life I think and how much practice you have. Confidence is like a muscle. Every day YOU deserve to prioritize yourself. YOU deserve self care and to love yourself. Even if that means you can only make ONE decision today to be better for YOU- then do it! Make that one choice, just one choice per day that is more in line with what your heart wants and needs. Eventually that one choice will become second nature and before you know it you will make two of these choice a day, then three, then four and so on. And as you start getting more practice and getting older, the perception from others matter less just naturally. As you get older your groups of friends get smaller, your personal values get highlighted and with each choice you make in the direction of your hearts calling, your life’s joy increases, circumstances change and the truth comes out.
Friend – YOU can do it. You DESERVE one choice a day in line with your hearts calling. So this year, I hope we are all less influenced by the “wishful thinking” of static new year’s “Resolutions”. I hope we are all learning that is ok not to want a whole NEW version of ourselves at the start of the new year but rather to be 100% and completely whole and ok with the self that we already are. I hope that this new year – we can all look at our true selves and say “new year? Time to accept me for me” and then work on that one choice a day. Build that muscle of confidence and truth and start working one day at a time on creating the joy and happiness we know we deserve.